Getting out of the wrong bed

Mmmm...I'm in a warm, fuzzy place. All is dark. I'm comfortable. I can feel my breathing, my heartbeat, all normal for the moment. A peaceful feeling, like I was floating in orbit. I can't move, but I don't want to move.

Pressure. Something is pushing at my back? What is it? Why am I being disturbed in this serene state?

"Orblay?"

What is that noise? Now I'm being shaken. The peacefull bliss of my body begins to change, becoming more active. The fuzzy feeling is fading, and I can see a dim light.

"Jay!"

A voice. I know that voice, it's calling me from where I am. Where am I? Suddenly there are images...some sort of fabric, black fabric. My head rests on a soft silky thing. I sense more of my body now. I can move.

"Jay!"

Oh, I'm awake now. I immediately forget the dark place I had been and started to take in mu surroundings.

Evidently I had fallen asleep on H's couch. That's okay, I had planned to. What time is it? Why am I awake now? I stand, groggily, and try to focus.

"Jay, I'm sorry to wake you..."

Uh oh. That particular phrase means something different. It really means "Wake the fuck up. There's a problem and I need to see if you can solve it." I've heard it many times.

"...but my car won't start, Do you know anything about cars?"

Know anything about cars? Yeah, of course I do. A car is an automobile, a chassis propelled by an internal combustion engine, fueled by gasoline. Steering is done by a wheel...wait a minute. Something's wrong with her car?

"Uh," I begin to say. "Uh, what?"

"Look, if you don't know anything, I need to know so I can call Harry so he can come get me and Connor."

Connor? Oh, he's standing right there, I realized. Shit, it must be early. She's gotta take him to school! That's what the problem must be. Her car hasn't started, and she's got to get him to school and take a flight out later today. This is serious!

"Yeah, of course I know about cars. What's wrong? What happens when you try to start it?"

"It makes a noise. Come on."

I'm still a quarter unconscious, and not quite thinking clearly. I wonder why she think I may know know anything about cars. She must be really upset to not remember. Then I realize that, despite the many years we've known each other, I've never had to display that knowledge to her. She's never had a screwed up car for me to fix. Oh, I've done things to this car, but I've always been lazy and took it to a place to have the oil changed, and things like that. I've never had to break open the hood and troubleshoot. No wonder she didn't know, 'cos she didn't know. Hah! What a thing to wake up to.

We reach her car and she gets in, tries to start. "KLIICKCKCKCKCKCKKKCKCKCKCKCKCKCT"

She gets out. "Can you fix it?"

Yeah. "That's the solinoid. It's not turning the starter."

"A what?"

"Solinoid, a switch. There's not enough electricity in the ignition system to turn the starter motor, so turning the key activates a solinoid that then switches on the starter and cranks the engine."

"So what does that mean?"

"Starter could be messed up, or the solinoid itself, but it's making noise. It's probably a dead battery."

"Are you sure?"

I don't answer, but get into the driver's seat. The dome light is on. Windshield wipers are also turned on, turn them off. Close door, the light goes out. Turn key. "KLICKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKT."

Hmm. Where's the battery gauge? Ah, there isn't one, just an indicator light. Shit. Than I notice the clock...

Yeah. Dead battery for sure. Maybe there's a sneak in the wiper system, draining current if they are turned on even while the car isn't running. Maybe. One thing to try before we have to jump start. Foot on brake. Turn key, cycle the automatic transmission a couple of times. Place back in park. Turn key to start....

Click, spin, whirr, whurr, rarRARrarrarRARRARRARfoom. Hey, it's running! Hah!

I get out. H is visibly relieved. Put Connor in car, H gets in car. "Look, I don't know if the battery is charging properly or what. The alternator seems okay, but I can't tell if there's a blown link anywhere because I don't have anything to test with. Fuzes seem fine. Just don't turn off the key at some stoplight. You might feel tempted, thinking that you can get away with it because everything is fine, but don't do this."

"I won't."

"Seriously, don't do it. It really is tempting. I know."

She smiles at me through the open window. "Thank you so much. I really need to go, and I will call you later. I'll be at Harry's all day."

And off they went. I wandered back inside, collapsed on the couch, turned on the TV. No way I'm going to get back to sleep now.

Five minutes into Fox & Friends the phone rings. "Yehlow?"

It's H. "I just needed to tell you something."

"What's that""

"You are a GOD."

Heh. Of course I am.