May 2009 Archives

 So I'm trying to sleep, having a nice dream. I was doing wiring work...which isn't unusual, yeah I dream about crimping RJ-45...on a SPACE STATION. Anyway, I'm thinking to myself, "Its a good thing this is a dream, because of all the high voltage" and the Cat decides "oh, its 8 o'clock! WAKE HIM WAKE HIM WAKE HIM" and leaps directly on my ass with all claws extended for maximum traction. This induces a mild seizure on my part, and in a panic, the furball drives pitons all the way up my back and on top of my head to escape my thrashing. Meanwhile, I'm struggling awake thinking "I'm being electrocuted, get the hell up now" and crash into the floor fan I positioned to blow a gentle breeze over me as I slept, causing an ungodly racket as the wire fan guard comes off and the blades break into jagged bits that I nearly put my head into. 

This is how I wake up to go to work.

A short list of stupid Trek ideas rolling around in my head.

Item One: Weaponized tribble eggs

You scoff, oh yes, but consider: tribbles already breed like bacteria and it wouldn't take much more to adapt them to a more carnivorous diet, increase the growth factor a smidge and make the eggs more like little spores. Perhaps other additions to their genome could be made as well, so they could stand vaccum for short periods, noxious atmospheres, and resistance to certain poisons. After weaponized tribbles have consumed your planetary food sources, they will start in on you.

Item Two: Tribble farming

An outgrowth of weaponized tribble technology. Think of huge orbital farms, filled with free range tribbles, and giant scoops to dump them in vats for protein harvesting. You think that resequenced chicken salad sandwich is just algae? With additional tweaking, all sorts of animal fats can be produced for the black market as well...I'm certain transfats are outlawed in the Federation and replicators will refuse to provide triglycerides.

Item Three: 1st Horta Battalion, Space Marine

What could be more unnerving than having sentient rocks slam into your hull, burn through every deck and expose all of it to space, and know it was done for the price of a few bags of gravel?

I'm sure I can cough up more, but work calls.

 Operating a dedicated server should not be a task for the timid. While it is certain that the reckless will destroy untold hours of work, the shy and ignorant will only prolong the fateful day when they exceed their abilities.

In this particular case I have in mind, there is the following error message that was dropped into our ticket system with little context:

You are currently operating within the grace period of your product license. To update your product license select the Retrieve Keys option from within License Manager.

The words "License Manager" are a hyperlink that leads you to the button that will allow you to retrieve the updated license keys.

There must be a certain class of people out there staring dumbly at their fuel gauge, wondering why the car never seems to start when the needle points to E. It is but one step removed from the people who excitedly chew the little silicone packets marked DO NOT EAT.

This is why I do not fear these trying economic times.