Recently in Work Hell Category

 Operating a dedicated server should not be a task for the timid. While it is certain that the reckless will destroy untold hours of work, the shy and ignorant will only prolong the fateful day when they exceed their abilities.

In this particular case I have in mind, there is the following error message that was dropped into our ticket system with little context:

You are currently operating within the grace period of your product license. To update your product license select the Retrieve Keys option from within License Manager.

The words "License Manager" are a hyperlink that leads you to the button that will allow you to retrieve the updated license keys.

There must be a certain class of people out there staring dumbly at their fuel gauge, wondering why the car never seems to start when the needle points to E. It is but one step removed from the people who excitedly chew the little silicone packets marked DO NOT EAT.

This is why I do not fear these trying economic times. 

The customer writes:«BLOCKQUOTE»«TT»Hello the second part has not worked, I CANT USE THIS SERVICE AS NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK!

I CANT ADD A NAME SERVER RECORD AS YOU SAY, PLEASE RESOLVE THIS AS THE SERVICE SO FAR IS NOT ACCEPTABLE «/TT»«/BLOCKQUOTE»
Oh yeah? OH YEAH?

Well, let me tell you what, you snivleing little tard, you haven't the slightest clue as to what you are doing, and THIS is the reason why you cannot get your server to work. I look inside your zone files and I see repeated entries crap like this:

«TT»tardhosting.com IN A tardhosting.com
ns1.tardhosting.com IN A ns1.tardhosting.com
A IN A tardhosting.com
B IN A tardhosting.com
tardhosting.com IN CNAME tardhosting.com
«/TT»

THIS IS INTOLERABLE!

Do not blame the server for your ignorance. Do not blame me for YOUR purchase of a technology that leaves you as bewildered as a gibbon trapped in the space shuttle flight deck! I am happy to educate. I have nothing better to do all day long than to explain details such as zone file formats or the inner workings of BIND, but this does not give you carte blanche to whine, bitch and moan in trouble ticket after trouble ticket that says "wah, my server is broken, you sold me a broken server, and my lollipop is dirty" when it has been pointed out to you, painfully elaborate at times, that your level of ignorance is simply astounding, and it is a wonder that the mass of nerve endings I laughingly refer to as your cortex has served you well enough to get you this far in this increasingly technological society.

Now, with that said, from time to time servers can be broken. Sometimes a server can just go bad on a whim, cosmic rays, phase of the moon, or Michael Moore's gravitational field, but in this case, the server is just fine. You are insufficiently qualified to operate this Unix server. You do not know what you are doing.

I'm going to go back to this trouble ticket now and repair the damage you have done and make educated guesses on how you desire your nameservers to be configured, because I'm a nice guy with a work ethic, and customer service hasn't totally eroded itself from my mind. But do not mistake my generosity for anything than sheer hardheadedness on my part...because after all, I get paid for fixing the mistakes your dumb ass makes, but you are spending good money on something that, as far as you are concerned, is as incomprehensible as string theory to a lima bean.

Idiot.